I have gotten into the habit of tweeting “Reminder: You will die” at least once every few weeks. Some people think it is funny. Some others think it is morbid. To me, death is a great motivating force. I wrote about it in my old blog once. Here’s that post once more.
There is this thing we all know. It might just be the only thing we are all certain about. We think, we hope and we plan to the best of our capacity. And yet, nearly all of it is rooted in chance. The only thing that will happen for sure is that we will all die.
Is that why we don’t talk about it? Because we are sure it will come? The way I see it, it appears more a case of denial. We refuse to talk about it, we fear signs of ageing, we even presume we are safe and secure in our environments! We refuse to consider the possibility that we might just drop off the edge of a cliff one day — tomorrow maybe — and never return.
Death therefore, becomes this dark inevitability — the end of everything good and worthwhile. Fear is the only emotion that comes to be associated with it.
A few years ago, I saw my grandmother die scared. Her last years were spent in anger and worry. She fretting over her medicines, pitied herself. She passed away with her eyes wide open, staring into the world she so desperately wanted to hold on to.
Her death wasn’t untimely. She had had a long and eventful life. Her youngest grandchild, that is me, was in college when her final illness started. Yet, there was no peace. Whether we look away from it, or thrash about frantically when it is at the door, our fear of dying is unreasonable.
We believe that our lives will follow a template. There is the modest beginning (birth, education, growing up), a significant middle (professional life, making money, gathering possessions, finding a partner, having children and raising them) and the inevitable end (old age and death).
Growing old and dying is a lucrative proposition indeed. But expecting it to actually happen is like betting. Living the template above also involves living in denial of the truth that is death for a major chunk of one’s life.
The problem with the template is that it prompts you to postpone things you love to a fabled ‘content’ part of your life. ‘I have always wanted to paint. I will take it up when I have made enough money,’ or ‘I will write my novel when I have settled down in life.’ When do we settle down? When do we ever call ourselves content? When do we stop preparing to live our lives and start living it? We sure as hell don’t have forever, and we know it. The idea is simply unaffordable.
It is a small wonder then, that after a lifetime spent just ‘surviving’, we can greet death with little more than fear. A good life is much more than just surviving.
A couple of months ago, when I decided to quit my job to write my book, friends and family asked me if I wasn’t scared about my future. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I was shit-scared. Scared that I would die without even having started on my first book (and I intend to write quite a few).
My attitude may appear pessimistic or paranoid to you. I see it as quite the opposite. I see death and am aware of it. It is around. It will take me when it feels like it. There will be no warning. But that is not what I am afraid of. What strikes fear into my heart is the possibility that I will lose sight of death and I will wander aimlessly and while away my time. Then one day death will come around and it will be my time to go. I don’t want to go without having told a single good story. Maybe I will go with death kicking and screaming, begging him/her to let me tell at least one more story. Even so, at least I would have tried.
The idea is not to be afraid of death, because honestly, it wouldn’t help. We ought to treat death as a reality — unpredictable and inevitable. That would let us cherish the years, months, days and moments before it even more. Life is for living, and death is truth.
lovely post.
every man fears death .nowhere is fearlessness.
when the truth is everybody has the same beginning and the same end.
Its a realization,which is very painful when it hits you the first time ,however it is the most liberating experience.
thelight@twitter.com
Liberating is the word. Oddly, we run away from the one thing that can help achieve liberation.
The “template” exists in a smaller but equally life-sucking form.
I know a friend who says that he loves this girl, but there are problems. He is a sitting duck to “rivals”. But he hopes to turn the tables when he gets a Yamaha YZF-R15. After all, the girl simply adores an R15. In the meantime he doesnt even talk to the girl. His mind was clouded by expectations. He gets jealous when other “poorer, less handsome, introverted, jerks” talk to her.
Even I am guilty of fantasizing a life as a cool univ prof in a scenic town with a Enfield Thunderbird as my ride. But heaven knows if I will give up my “dreary” college life if I will live only until graduation.
I think the youth way of many delusion-wait-deadend cycles is much better than “The Delusion”-”The Wait”-”The Dead End” propagated by older people. Atleast each dead end is an opportunity to break out of the cycle.
Have you lived today?
Strange, that the inevitability of death forces me to a conclusion that is the stark opposite of what you conclude: that death being the final cause implicit in all things, it is also the only event that has any meaning associated with it. The whole of life is a process of becoming, you only exist in death. In the face of death, every template you seek to apply on your life is valid and essentially meaningless. Kinda like how the whole of Norse mythos seems to revolve around the one event, Ragnarok, at the end of time. All the flurry of activity among Norse gods and heroes is just preparation for it.
I’ma start following you on twitter just for that reminder now.
Even though I am with you on this bro, death is still at best, a two edged sword. We use the farther end to fight the world and our fears (in face of death), while the one near penetrates our soul and sucks the life out of a living being.
If you’re the kind who must think of the future, then there could be a possibility of adding onto the template. The after-life. No one can vouch for it, and that’s where the excitement lies. It’s the unknown. It’s a voyage. It’s the space trip you couldn’t afford.
First of all, it is refreshing to see intelligent, communicative posting that very closely resemble my own private thoughts. I am not a writer or story teller, nor do I need to be. But I must say that these postings and comments are inspiring. Living beyond 200 years of age may not be accomplished within my generation. But given the human track-record, it’s possible in the distant future, folks may live to be 300? If so, I should hope for their sakes that twitter postings continue to occasionally end with: “Reminder: You will die”
Agreed, this feels liberating (personally not in a wishful sense) in an admittedly honest sense. My tasks at hand may not always be pleasant, but in a 100 years (I’m sure much sooner) no one is going to care or even remember. So, why not just get it done, and live life to the fullest conceivable?!
This is a very spirited post which strikes inside my nerves, I was thrilled by reading every lines. I am very impressed with your writing style and also by the way you accept struggle in your life instead of 9 to 6 job. My best wishes are always with you. Keep writing!
Welcome Himanshu! And thanks for the kind words. Keep dropping by.
some faiths teach that Death is something to be overcome; some teach that it is something to be welcomed – longed for; the source of bliss. still, many individuals fear the one thing we must all face.
but a true faith teaches that death is not to be welcomed, feared, or avoided. no, true faith teaches that death is irrelevant.
when you live each to the fullest; enjoy the sunrise, help those in need today, love those dear to you, and savor the evening sunset; then Death has nothing to offer and nothing to take away from us.
Rightly spoken Mamund. The way I see it, to welcome death and to overcome it is one and the same.
vimoh: there is a knock at our door. we should always welcome unexpected guests.
WOW … Thats so true, i have been planning since a long time to start my enterprise, waiting for money to come by and the time to ripen. After reading this post i think the time is ripe when i am ready to take the plunge … Best of luck for ur book.
Prasanjit: No time like the present. Go for it. Best of luck to you too!